year 22

another year, come and gone
another year that has moved by me way too fast
another year that had way too much that happened
another year that not enough happened

3/4 of a year away from home
3/4 of a year spending as much time with my folks
3/4 of a year of soul searching
3/4 of a year fairly lonely
3/4 of a year making new friends

2 months of hell
2 months of crown
2 months of searching
2 months of depression

witnessed some of the most epic parties
witnessed some of the greatest nights of my life
witnessed one the strangest events of my entire life... so far

this year was nothing like the last
started off strong and i will end it strong
im healthier now
im on a path

i may not have much but i will work with what i got

i have fallen in love with music all over again.
i get lost in it, i dream of it, i long for it
my passion is on my left arm for the world to see

dreaming of someone to share this with but that day will come

dreaming of exploration and that day will come

merry christmas to all that read this
and happy new years to everyone
may we all start over


i know 11 will be a good one
vegas, camping trips, recording, standing behind one of friends at his wedding (looking forward to the tux fitting) traveling, maybe moving to colorado

and lots and lots of music

cheers

i feel like im missing the big picture here...

road trip road trip road trip road trip Road trip rOad trip road trip

getting lost getting lost getting lost getting lost getting lost getting lost

looking up looking up looking up looking up looking up looking up

something new something new something new something new

tattoo tattoo tattoo tattoo tattoo tattoo tattoo tattoo

perfection perfection perfection perfection perfection perfection

mental masturbation mental masturbation mental masturbation

over stimulation over stimulation over stimulation over stimulation

 sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex

pain pain pain

numb numb numb numb numb

insecure insecure insecure insecure insecure insecure

shallow? shallow? shallow? shallow? shallow? shallow?

menthol menthol menthol menthol menthol

alcohol alcohol alcohol

music music music music music

cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold

blah 

the fight club generation

I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived. I see all this potential; and I see it squandered. God dammit, an entire generation pumping gas and waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We are the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised by television to believe that we’d be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars – but we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed-off.

the older i get, the more i feel the need to disconnect myself from "faith".  about three years ago, i denounced my participation of all forms of organized religion.  now with that, it doesnt mean i dont believe in a "higher being" but what i believe in may or may not be what most consider god.

note to reader: im drunk

Unplugged

un·plug  (n-plg)

v. un·plugged, un·plug·ging, un·plugs

v.tr.

1.

a. To remove a plug from.

b. To free from an obstruction.

2.

a. To remove (an electric plug) from an outlet.

b. To disconnect (an electric appliance) by removing a plug from an outlet.

v.intr.

To become unplugged.

boredom is overwhelming

somewhat expected...

for as much chaos

there is always a point of boredom

im searching for something new...

something natural

something that moves me

i need to unplug

reboot

[crtl] [alt] [del]

Red Hot Moon

Rancid is my summer love.
this summer has been a complete 180 compared to last summer
ive reconnected with a very close friend and have living with my best friend.


ive met a girl that makes me happy but unfortunately left me in my drive way saying how amazing i am but needed to follow a different path... that sucks but for once i have a bit of self confidence.


but under the red hot moon
take the bus downtown to the graveyard shift tonight 


thats my life
cheers

...bored...

Come to the conclusion that its not worth my time and lack of effort to bother with women at this point in my life... I don't want to get married and I don't want kids.  So why bother.  I'm enjoying the single life and catching up on what I've missed over the past year.

I simply laugh when a person HAS to be with someone.  Makes you look kinda needy.  Something I don't need.

Also have noticed I find different things on different girls attractive.  Which is nice cause I feel that eliminates the whole "type" nonsense.

Also learned that when I am attracted to a girl, I turn into a total spas.  I get all shy, can't find the words to strike up a conversation, I try to impress them with really stupid shit...

When I'm not attracted to a girl, I turn in to a dick.  My inner douche bag comes out and is swinging for the fences.

Only one maybe two girls have broken me of the words above but I doubt they will ever know

When life throws you lemons you throw them back

The point of this blog has nothing to do with lemons or lemonade.

I have reached what I feel is a fork in the road of life.  Each and every decision we make has one of two outcomes.  The safe route where you know the answer and what lies ahead or the road that could lead you to enternal happiness or something truly horrible.

The point that I have reached is with furthering my education.  If I continental the route I am going, I feel I will become a boring, typical American that hates their job.  Or stuck behind a desk in some large office cubicle or cramped office.  Forced day in and day out in a cheesy suit for the rest of my days.  If I take the other road, I truly have no clue where life may take me.  Could be good, could be bad, could be a dream come true.

I am scared of what I feel is a necessary decision that I need to make in a short period of time. 

I just don't want to let people down.  I don't want to let myself down.  I especially don't want to let my father down which I feel like I do every term if I dontgofull time old end up dropping a class.

Hoping I find the answer I'm looking for soon

Converge: Dark Horse

For all those born to serve
And those that chose to hide
(how many worker bees died within our hive)
Let their sadness be our blessing
Let their losses
Lead the way

The dark horse will one day come
To free the light from all of us
One day the dark horse will come

For all those born to die
And those that lost the fight
(how many fallen friends died within our sights)
Let their hard roads be our way out
Let their passion lead the way

The dark horse will one day come
To free the light from all of us
One day the dark horse will come

No matter the man or the machine
Beasts will become what
They were meant to be
In the name of lovers in the name of wars
We'll show the demons for what they are

Dark horse ride
Towards the light
Dark horse ride onward

Towards to light
Onward

Another day to be made

Trying my best to keep my positive out look on life. Which for me, is a real challenge.

I can't begin to express how much I enjoy writing. I'm not very good at it but I do enjoy it. I consider writing much like learning a new musical instrument. When you learn something new like a new instrument, you take on it's personality in conjunction of your own. Forces you to think outside the box or look at the picture from a different angle.

I get that out of my blogs.
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my goals for 2010

i really do enjoy this.

mindless meaningless nonsense

but i always feel that people need to hear my gibberish

goals for this year

loose some weight

smile more. i really dont look good with i frown

try to be less of a cynic